Did you just say "but why"...

You know what makes me appreciate that I have a child who is well behaved (for the most part)…other people’s children who aren’t so well behaved. He may whine a lot and do little things that get on my nerves but he listens and doesn’t talk back. That’s key! I refuse to allow anyone to talk back to me so I definitely won’t tolerate my child doing so. And I don’t think that he has that many chores. He makes his bed, sorts and puts away his laundry, cleans his room, sweeps the floor and clears the table. Basically, he cleans up after himself. I believe that I am his mother and not his maid. When he is 18, I want to make sure that he knows everything he needs to know in order to survive when he goes off to college. I don’t believe that a child should question authority. They don’t talk back to teachers, preachers, law enforcement or family members. If he is at someone else’s house, I expect nothing less than for him to show that person and their home respect. The rules of my house are not meant to question. You do what you are told, when you are told to do it and you WILL NOT ask questions. There have been 2 occasions that my son has been told to do something and then ask “But why”. Those 2 words together drive me insane! The first time I said “don’t ask, just do it”. The second time he got a visit from Thumpkins (that’s when you get flicked in the head or ear. It doesn’t hurt…well it hurts the ego). Thumpkins and I are homies. And because I run a tight ship, he doesn’t come out often.


I’m not by any means saying that my way is the best. I’m saying some sort of discipline is necessary! It just so happens that my child only needs “the look” to understand what’s right and wrong. Some kids need spankings and by all means parents, go for it! But understand there is a time and a place for it and I am not promoting child abuse at all! If you leave a mark, you’ve passed discipline and become Ike Turner and that’s no good!

I understand kids need to be kids. But you can run and jump and play without being disrespectful! I just don’t understand how people can let their children do whatever it is they want. Let’s teach our kids respect for themselves and others. I bet there would be a lot less violence and children in prisons. And I know for a fact there would be a lot less people that drive me crazy! This hmmmmm…moment was brought to you today by play dates on a rainy day. IT’S NOT A GOOD IDEA!

You are either in or you are out! LIGHT BULB!

This hmmmm… moment is brought to you by Despicable Me and Project Runway. You may be wondering what they have in common. “LIGHT BULB!!!” That’s from Despicable Me. I just saw the movie last night and I must say it was great! It really has nothing to do with Project Runway or this blog. I just like it.

Now back to the blog. On last night’s season premiere of Project Runway, Tim Gunn revealed his new catch phrase, “Give it up”. I love it! I laughed for hours about it and will probably say it at least once a day to random people. OK, maybe the people won’t be so random but I’m sure I will say it, right after I tell them they “suck at life” (Mom, I promise I won’t say it out-loud to anyone in your house…no matter how much I think it!). So the reason that this stuck in my mind was the statement that one of the designers made when she was given the boot (so sad because I saw the potential in her dress). She said that she was proud of herself for going after her dream and that if people gave up after they failed at something the world would be full of lots of failures. I was going to throw in something here about the BP oil spill but I figured that’s not a good example because they have been failing for what seems to be a lifetime . I can’t seem to think of any other success stories; Jesse Jackson will never be president. Let’s face it. Americans can be stupid but we aren’t that dumb. I will never be GBFF with Ross Matthews and Northwestern will never win a Big Ten (or however many teams there are now) Title in an important sport.

Anyway, let’s get to the point. Stop giving up after you fail. The smell of failure stinks and I have a sensitive nose. Just keep swimming (NEMO!!) and you will reach the shore. Oh and one more thing…
IT’S SO FLUFFY!!! I had to throw that in there. Go see the movie right now!

Love yourself! Respect your community.

I really have nothing new to blog about today so I had to go back into the archives of my brain and think of something that makes me go hmmmm... It instantly came to me. Why do people feel the need to carry guns. I've known too many people to die because of gun violence. And over stupid things; girls, money, a color. I will say this: there isn't a single man that is not my family that I'm gonna kill someone over. Unless that girl is peeing pure gold, she's not worth it. Material things can be replaced but a life cannot. You can get another car, you can get more shoes, and if you work hard you can earn more money. But I can't get my cousin back or any of my friends. There is no argument that I can think of besides hunting that would allow me to believe anyone needs a gun. Compare the number of times that a gun saved someones life verses the number of times that a gun took a life unnecessarily. Call me crazy but I don't want to be responsible for taking any ones life. I don't know what I would do if I killed someone and had to hold onto that forever. I have total respect for the police departments. My brother is a cop. I understand what they are responsible for and respect their duties. I also know that my son will never go into that field of work because everyday my brother was on duty I was terrified of who was going to call me to tell me something bad happened.
Before I babble on for years about this, I will just end by saying two things. If no one has guns, no one will need to protect themselves against gun violence. And you should love yourself enough to know that you deserve better than death or jail.

sweating out this cold

I’m sick. Yep. It’s official. I’m exhausted. My body aches. I lost my voice and coughing isn’t helping. But what is impressive to me is that I have continued to work out everyday…except Monday but that’s because I was exhausted from all the work I did last weekend. The “hmmmmm” in all of this is that the numbers are getting smaller everyday but I don’t see it. I saw it in the beginning when the muffin top went away but now I don’t see a change. My clothes fit better, I’ve lost 3 inches around my waist and I feel stronger. I have a lot more energy too…except now because I’m sick. The only place I notice the difference more and more everyday is my face. I’m still chubby cheeks but when I smile my eyes are not anatomically forced closed! Let’s see where I am next week…and hopefully I’m not still sick next week.

August, where are you?

Is it August yet? I’m sooooo ready for school. This summer didn’t turn out to be what I wanted but then again, when is anything exactly how you expect it to be? I didn’t think that I would spend the whole summer looking for a part-time job. I didn’t think that I would feel stuck. I thought things would be good; I’d get a little closer with my mom, get things organized and have fun while making some extra case. Instead, I feel like a failure or that I’m making a huge mistake and I can’t do anything because I’m flat broke. I have to give glory to God for my mother because without those two, I’d be on “these streets” (Madea reference). There are two things I need to happen; one of these places to hire me and school to start. Then I can make some cash and be that much closer to being out of school! LOL! I can’t wait to be done and I haven’t started…didn’t I talk about this yesterday? I’m not supposed to be looking that far to the future, so let’s find a job! Anyone got any connections!? Thanks bunches and I haven’t heard of anyone confirming they bought my Evan Turner jersey!

Dear God, Why am I here?

I must admit. I’m a twitterer (I don’t think that is a word…yet). I tweet a lot. I tweet funny things. I tweet what I see. I tweet what I feel. I make people laugh. I make people think. And the people I follow do the same for me. I know most of the people I follow and the others are people I admire or are interesting to me. Most of the people I follow are on the round table of the Chelsea Lately show (LOVE IT). The rest of the people I don’t know are related to THE Ohio State University in some way. I follow Bob Baptist, beat writer for the OSU men’s basketball team. My favorite of the buckeyes I follow is Evan Turner. His tweets are like mine; they make you laugh or make you think. I must admit that some of his tweets make me wonder what’s REALLY going on in that brain of his. He can be sort of odd sometimes but I love it either way.

Anywho, Evan tweeted a quote yesterday that got the wheels turning in my head.

“There's a reason why everybody is born. The journey in life is to find that reason. -R. McCammon”

Hmmm…that’s deep. Think about it. Every day we wake up to complete tasks that lead us toward the discovery of WHY we are here on this Earth, in the place that we are, with the people that we have and the things we posses. A lot of times people get wrapped up in what we are not here to do, the places we are not, and the people/things we don’t have. Either way we lose time worrying about what may or may not happen. And even if you have the reason all figured out, the journey may not be what you expected. Maybe you have more than one reason to be here. There are so many things to consider.

I have no clue why I was born. I like that I was born! I love me! I’m awesome! But what is my reason, my purpose on this Earth? I would assume it’s to do something to help people, because that’s what I like to do. Am I the person who helps with finding a cure for something? Will I invent something that will help people? I will be honest. Although I don’t think about it much, I do wonder my exact purpose. Since Christian was born, I spend more time wondering what his destiny will be and what I can do to get him there. I struggle with thinking about the future and living the now. And I would suspect that most people have the same struggle. Either way the point of this blog today was to share this quote with you all and get your wheels turning about your purpose. But most of all I want to encourage you to enjoy the journey and I will try to do the same!

(By the way: Evan Turner will be #12 for the Philadelphia 76ers and his jerseys are available! So if you get one, I'm a Medium or large!)

I usually try not to look forward too much. I have to spend so much time on figuring out today. But lately I can’t help myself. May 10, 2013

It is 2 days before my grandpa’s birthday, 3 days before my mom’s birthday, and 4 days before my grandmother’s birthday. It’s a day that will be on the same list with high school graduation, the day Christian was born, college graduation and so many other special days. It’s a day that will be very similar to ever special occasion: my dad won’t be there, my mom will be in the front row, some member of my family will be too busy, and I will probably cry. I also know it will be the beginning of my life!

As you probably guessed, that’s my grad school graduation date. I am pretty excited about the whole experience. I know I will learn so much and can’t wait to find out what path this takes me down. I am most excited to finally silence all the doubters. I am sick of hearing people tell me what they think of me and my situation. I am a hard worker and do all that I can. Because it doesn’t meet someone else’s standards doesn’t mean I’m a bum. My only struggle will be leaving everything I have created in Illinois behind…but I’m sure I will get over it quick when I’m sitting with Ashley sneaking Hayden Buddy and the new nugget some Reesch’s Donuts!

lean like a CHO-LE!

I woke up yesterday, went to bed last night, and woke up this morning with the same two things on my mind: “thank the Lord I’m still breathing” and “my NI-CHO-LE is moving back this weekend”. I realized how much I had in Yorkville when I left. That was my social network and I loved it. I don’t have a social network where I live. I have/had (not sure yet) one friend in the area but I can’t tell her intent so I’d rather just not worry about it. Some days she actually seems to care and other days…I mean most days, I don’t even exist. But my Ni-cho-le is the best. She was there when we moved last year and she was a big help! She helped me unpack all of my son’s things and organize his room and then we “TRIED” to but by bed together. I still to this day am not sure if I put it together correctly. Then we went to six flags (more flags, more fun!) and had a great time!

Now, it’s her turn! I’m going to help them unload the truck on Saturday and help her unpack on Sunday! I love to organize and clean so I’m perfect for the unpacking gig! We are not going to six flags afterward this time but I’m sure that we will make it into a great time.
I was asked a few days ago if I was worried that things with me and Nichole would be the same as the other friend because Nichole and Kevin (aka the KEVINATOR: that’s what I call him) spend a lot of time together and live together. Without hesitation I said “NO”. Kevin isn’t a self-centered, egotistical, rude, drama queen, douche-bag like the other one (do you want me to tell you how I really feel, LOL). In fact, he is the opposite! He’s a marine just like my little-big brother (I’ll explain later) which was an instant positive when I first met Kevin. He’s a really nice guy and most important, he doesn’t treat Nichole like a piece of meat! They are so cute together! Anywho, I am actually looking forward to becoming even better friends with him. I am sure we will have lots of good times and maybe get into a little trouble! This weekend is going to be the beginning of great things to come!

If you really knew me...(inspired by the MTV show)

If you didn’t watch the MTV show “If you really knew me…”, you missed a powerful show and proof that MTV can have a show with actual meaning behind it. If you missed it, you have to see it. Everyone should see this. We need a national “challenge day”. So in honor of the show, here is my version of “if you really knew me…”

If you really knew me, you would know that I only act hardcore to cover my anger and hurt. I hate most men because of my paternal unit and I have shunned most things Armstead related (I’m working on that). If you really knew me you would know that my one goal in life is to make sure that my son becomes the man that I wish my father was. That’s why I tell him I love him every day and the reason I am so hard on him when it comes to housework and schoolwork.

If you really knew me, you would know that my biggest fear is failure and my definition of failure is way different than average failure. Anything less than perfection is failure to me. I also expect so much from other people that sometimes I push them away.

If you really knew me, you’d know that my second biggest fear is being alone. I don’t even like sitting in the house alone for a few minutes. I get really nervous and have to check all the locks and windows several times. Also, I get scared that I’m going to end up like my mother’s sister and never experience true love. If you really knew me, you’d know that I think this is what my family expects.

If you really knew me, you would know that people can talk all the shit in the world to me but one hurtful word from one of my family members tears me apart. I hold on to my families words. I wish I didn’t but I do.
If you really knew me, you’d know that I am about to enter the most exciting journey of my life and I feel like more of a failure than ever (re-read the previous paragraph).

If you really knew me, you’d know I am terrified of becoming fat like the women on my paternal unit’s side of my gene pool. I’d starve myself, take laxatives, and exercise 20 hours a day before I let myself get fat. Its bad enough I have to look in the mirror everyday and see Margret’s face. And what’s even worse is the feeling I have when my mom (or other family) throws it in my face all the time how much I look like “them”. I know how much she dislikes them for what they did to us and when she looks at me I feel like there is a feeling of disgusted, even if it is just my imagination.

If you really knew me, you’d know I didn’t have a group that I was associated with in high school. I wasn’t smart enough to be a nerd (not at the school I went to). I wasn’t cool enough to be popular (and actually that was ok with me). I wasn’t weird enough to be a freak. The friends that I did have are pretty much all gone. I never talked to any of the guys after high school (Keith, Joe, Kevin, etc.) and no one knows what happened to Gary! Sara was another case of “my boyfriend of a few months is more important that my friends of years”. Man, I seem to be getting a lot of that lately. What a shame because she is a great person. Robin is in the world that Robin has always been in! LOL! She’s cool peeps and everyone should have a “Robin”. All I really have left is Ashley, which is enough to replace lots of space in my heart. Heck, she married one of my best friends from high school, Paul, and I don’t really talk to him either (except when I stay at their house or I have a car or Mario related question). I guess having a few good friends is better than none or a bunch of bad friends but I miss a lot of those people.

Oh, I could go on forever but after an hour crying watching the show and choking back tears to write this, I’m exhausted. But I leave you with this: make your own challenge day. Challenge yourself to step outside your box and interact with someone you normally would not. Express yourself and don’t hold back! Happy Challenge Day!

Why am I the way I am?

Do you ever wonder why people walk the way they walk? Or why they talk the way they talk? Why does something that breaks one person's heart, roll off another like a rain drop on an umbrella (ella ella hey hey!)? Psychology tells us its all about our personality and temperament. My temperament tells me to kick ass now and take names later (I've been like that as long as I can remember). That's just who I am. I am hot-headed and loud and I speak whatever is on my mind (unless my "rock" talks some sense into me first). But the same way I am a hard-ass, is how soft my heart is for the people I love.

I walk with a bit of a limp sometimes because I have the beginnings of arthritis in my right knee from past ligament and meniscus injuries. I played basketball, year-round, for 7 years and I played tennis in high school and college. I love sports, which is the reason I am an athletic trainer...and the reason for most of my aches and pains.

People in Illinois tell me I have a country accent because I'm from Ohio. I don't hear it at all. When I go home to visit in Ohio, they tell me I sound like I'm Chicago because I put emphasis on the "A" in Chicago. Either way, I think that I sound like me! Usually I'm yelling so I just sound loud.

The one thing I don't understand is why the water doesn't roll off of my umbrella (ella ella) (I had to do it). I guess its because I practice the Madea philosophy: "when you gettin got and someones done got you and you go get them, when you gettin them everybodys gon' get got". Its something that I am working to get rid of. I take a lot of things out on people who don't deserve it and I'm working on that too but I don't regret my actions toward those who "got" me. I "get them get them get them" because they "got me got me got me". That is something that will probably never change. My mom tells me often (and by often I mean everyday) that I need to forgive people. I think that people shouldn't do dumb stuff to anger me. Who's right? The world may never know.

Think about it. Why do you walk, talk and feel the way you do?

So I figured if R. Kelley can be trapped in the closet 18 times, I can have a part 2...

The thing that makes me say hmmm today is friendship. We all know what it is. We desire it. We work hard to keep it...or we are suppose to work. Too many people take others for granted. Recently, I was put in a tough situation. How do you make someone pick their boyfriend over a friend who's been there longer, and would probably be there long after the boy is gone. My conclusion was, you don't. I worked hard to make it work, forgiving instance after instance of being ignored, stood up and overlooked. That didn't work. Now what? I'm so angry and hurt that I could spit fire (and if you've ever seen me mad, I get really close to that fire-spitting status). And let's be real here: I have every right to be pissed off! I can be the toughest and bitchiest woman on either side of the Mississippi (trust me, I've proven it), but even the toughest people have soft spots. I, just like every other non-sociopath, want to feel loved and needed and cared about. I don't ask much of my friends or at least I don't think I do. I want friends who are honest with me, care for me, and love me because I am who I am. I don't ask for money or to borrow clothes or anything like that. I don't get angry when they are busy or make plans without me. The simplest things make me smile and it takes a lot to break my heart.

Happy First blog day (part one)! OK, so its not REALLY a holiday but the way things have been going, I need every reason to celebrate something!

Things that I am thinking of as, well, I type: friends (how many of us have them? hahaha) I have come to realize that I don't have as many as I thought. I wish I did but that's the way the cookie crumbles. I will say that the few I have are amazing! So I figured in order to know who I am as a blogger, you should know my friends.

Well first of all I have to speak of my wife! HAHAHA! Yeppers, you read that right! My secret lover is Ashley...we really aren't lovers because I don't swing that way but she's my rock. I'm a bit wirery...loud...ok I have no verbal filter! She keeps me grounded. She's one of those friends who you know will be there through everything.

Then there's my white twin, Nichole (I call her Ni-cho-le because she leans like a cho-lo but not really). She loves everything I do, we work in the same field and want the same things from life...happiness! She loves to have fun and try new things and we always have blast together, even sitting on her couch with out mini wizard flying to new york! One thing I must say is I use the term "white" loosely because we are basically the same skin complexion!

I have other friends who I talk to but those 2 are on speed dial! Who are your speed dial friends?